When’s the last time someone criticised you? If it’s quite long ago, most prob you haven’t been heading somewhere in life. But if you strive to break into new growth points, you will undoubtedly face criticism.
I used to think that criticism was such a rude, uninvited guest. There I was, feeling good about the meeting/event/lesson I just did, when someone would come up to me and say, “It just didn’t take off, did it? That was too unfocused/cliché/boring/etc.”
Talk about getting deflated faster than I could say ouch.
As a normal human being, I prefer to be praised than to be criticised, to be given affirmation rather than improvement points. (If you don’t identify with this, you should stop reading and get a shrink).
But I’ve also realised one truth: Commendation might tell me how I’ve grown from yesterday to today, but it tells me nothing about how I can grow from today to tomorrow. For the latter, I need criticism.
So how do I make this bad-mannered fellow my best buddy in the world?
Few steps that have helped me so far:
* See beyond the person’s negative facial expression, choice of words or tone. (At times, I feel slightly better if I prop up Clooney’s face over the critic’s in my mind. Or imagine John Mayer singing his feedback to me.)
* Find the kernel of truth, even if it’s real tiny. Then take it like how you’d eat a fish – swallow the good stuff; throw away the bones. Be objective, even if the other party is not fully so.
* Get them to reconstruct, not just deconstruct. E.g. “So, what would you have done specifically instead?” (If they can’t answer, I’d smile and walk away before I say something nasty.)
* Ask them back, “Since you have many ideas, are you keen to help us make the next meeting/event/lesson successful?” If they say yes, you’ve just roped in passionate free labour!
* If you’re not in the right frame of mind (e.g. too tired/discouraged/raw), thank the person then shelve it first. Go home, have a good sleep and reconsider the criticism the next day when you are refreshed.
* Proactively ask for criticism – from a group of trusted and capable people. There are only a few phone numbers I remember by heart; these are the people I’d call and ask, “How does this sound…” Better be stupid in front of few than many.
* Last but not least, laugh at yourself. A lot. You’re bound to make a gazillion mistakes in your life anyways. Yet the Kingdom will keep moving forward. And so should you.
So far, these are the steps I’ve taken to keep my life sane and my ministry fruitful. If you disagree, feel free to criticise this post. If you have other steps to add, do share your wisdom by clicking here.
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